Coco on The Little Mermaid

Transcript

Exactly as spoken. Tap a line to play from there. Contains explicit language.

You know I’ve never been a fan of the Little Mermaid. I’m sorry, but I'm on King Triton's side. Because why did they spend the entire movie trying to convince me that this man was wrong for being worried about his teenage daughter?

Because mind you, Ariel's ass was sneaking out the house, collecting illegal human contraband skipping family functions, and obsessing over a man. Yes. This teenage girl, emphasis on girl, was in love with a grown ass man that she saw for no more than five minutes.

I mean yeah, he was fine-shit, but still girl, it was only 5 minutes. So yeah I’m totally with King Triton when he was like, ‘Absolutely not.’ And honestly? This just goes to show y’all how real daddy’s supposed to show up for they little girls.

Because girl, he knew Eric-ass was fake the minute Vanessa showed up with a pretty face and Ariels stolen butt in a tired ass weave. And of course just like a man, Eric-ass folded like a lawn chair.

Because I mean, it only took him like 2 seconds to forget who Ariel even was. He forgot my girl name, arranged a whole wedding, and was ready to wife up a girl he met on shore 20 seconds ago within where I was.

Man I swear men be so green when it comes to a big butt and a smile and they stay wondering why they always getting set the fuck up.

But if you like me and don’t like the movie, well guess what? The original story ain’t no better. Because in the original, Ariel gives up her voice changes her entire body, stalks this man, and what does he do?

Marries somebody else. Yes girl, he marries another woman too easily for me. And when Ariel finally gets the courage to Pack his ass up and save herself?

She like, nah. Like, seriously? And then she dissolves and turns into seafoam. Yes, Seafoam girl. And all for Matt, man! So for real for real, if you ask me, King Triton wasn’t being controlling. He was doing what fathers do.

Look out for they young and dumb-ass daughters. Because He was looking at his daughter like, ‘look, I’m trying to prevent you from becoming a baby mama over a man who don’t even know you.’

Because just like most dumb-ass teenagers, my girl Ariel really was like ‘I will abandon my family, lose my voice, change my entire species, and risk my life. And for what? A man? Like, girl be for real.

Anyways, that’s why I don’t like Little Mermaid.