Kayla on Beauty and the Beast

Transcript

Exactly as spoken. Tap a line to play from there. Contains explicit language.

Okay, so here’s my problem with Beauty and the Beast. Girl, it was literally just Stockholm syndrome with a fire soundtrack. Because how you going to tell me, you about to go put hands on my daddy and lock him up in a basement, but then I got to go down there to go get him?

And when I go down there to go get him, your ugly ass talking about some, “oh, you can have your daddy back, but you got to stay locked up here with me.”

And I'm like, umm, cool. Okay. I'll do that for my daddy.” But then your Beastly-Ass going to get an attitude because I don't want to eat dinner with a man who just kicked my old ass daddy out of a cold and damn dungeon.

Now mind you, he sent my daddy up the street in a bum-ass car. So no, I ain’t rocking with you Beast because you just stole my daddy and I ain't even get to tell him goodbye.

Yeah, Beast had me all the way messed up. Like, how you mad? Like for real for real? All because I don't want to eat dinner with my opp?

Talking about some. “Fine, if she don’t want to eat dinner with me, then she ain’t got to eat at all!” Like, B, stop playing with me for real.

Oh and girl, I ain’t trying to scare you or nothing, but for real I think he might beat you later. Like, I don't know. I'm not a psychologist, but if he asks you to eat some cake girl? just do it, because I really think this is a warning sign of an abusive man.

Oh and then he finally sets her free, but this girl had the nerve to come back. Like Girl, Run. I mean That should have been the end of the movie because like Belle, Girl, What are you doing? Seriously?

And then the damn candlestick and stopwatch man was over there getting on my damn nerves trying to convince her to stay. Talking about something, “he just a little rough around the edges.” But you know what?

I ain’t even mad because if I had to be a candlestick and a fitbit for 200 years, I'll be like, “hey so yeah, I’m sorry but old girl is going to have to take this L for me because I can't keep having wax melt down the crack of my behind for eternity.”

So yeah, I get it, I get it. So now they got my girl Belle looking at this man-beast-thing like, “Dang he kind of fine.”

No girl. He ain’t fine. Your ass just got Stockholm syndrome. And then the worst part is that he had the audacity to turn into a human at the end and look better as a beast.

I think we can collectively say it. Um no. sir, You ugly. Like for real. Your human ass is ugly.

And you need to turn back into the beast if this is what you look like as a human. So if we being for real?

Y’all can keep the last 10 minutes of that movie. Ooh. And why don't nobody ever talk about how that teacup lady had a whole baby?

Like girl, um how old is that woman? Because why she look like she been collecting social security checks the whole time she got a toddler. I feel like I'm missing something.

Anyway, they need to make an alternate ending where he stays the beast because that movie is lowkey trash.